What Makes an Exceptional Mentee: 5 Traits

When I first met Soundarya Balasubramani, she was just 24. She was introduced to me by my friend, Joshua Levy, who was republishing her first book in the United States. She had authored a bestselling book on the topic of college admissions, titled Admitted, the year before. Joshua suggested I should talk to her and share some of my experiences as a 16x author. “The young girl could benefit from a tip or two to make her own book even more successful,” he told me. 

She had reached out to me the previous day to schedule a call, but I had missed it due to my poor organizational skills (along with some serious health challenges that I was facing back then). I had not only forgotten about the meeting; I had also forgotten about her. 

At 10:26 PM on the night of July 7, 2021, I got a ‘gentle reminder’ on my WhatsApp from Soundarya. “Hi Rajesh, I’m sending a gentle reminder in case you missed my earlier message,” she sent me. Despite it being the end of a day, we decided to have a brief call anyway. Or so we thought. 

What was supposed to be a 15-minute call turned into a two-hour conversation, extending well beyond midnight. In the last few minutes of the call, I couldn’t help myself. I asked her if she would take me on as her mentor. Her initial reaction was shock. Eventually, she responded with some hesitance, “Rajesh, while I’d love to take up the offer, I don’t know if I can afford your fees.” We laugh over that comment to this day. After that call ended, one thing was clear to me: while Soundarya was still half my age, she was twice as smart. Now, it was on me to make sure she reached her 10x potential. 

That marked the beginning of our unlikely 24-month ‘in progress’ mentoring journey. In the past two years, Soundarya managed to climb several formidable mountains:

• She published her second book, Unshackled (foreword by Brad Feld) to help high-skilled immigrants navigate the complex immigration system in the United States.
• She raised $100,000 for her book project through a crowdfunding campaign and a grant from Emergent Ventures.
• She gave a keynote address at her alma mater, NIT Trichy, for International Women’s Day 2023.
• She even launched a course on “life planning” and taught over 100 students ranging from CEOs to engineers.

I had the privilege of being by her side for all of the above, and playing a tiny part in her climb. As we reached our two-year “mentorship” anniversary recently, I got a message from Soundarya, thanking me for being an “exceptional mentor” to her. This made me sit and reflect on the dichotomous question of, “What makes an exceptional mentee? What differentiates a good mentee from an exceptional one, like Soundarya?”

Here are a list of traits for an exceptional mentee in my books: 

• Willing to bear the short-term pain for the long-term success: I wrote an article recently titled “Before you look for Michelangelo, are you ready to be David?” in the context of mentoring as a two-way street. While it’s crucial for a mentor (Michelangelo) to be competent, it’s equally important for a mentee (David) to be ready and willing to take all the pain to become a true David. It’s about the level of hunger to learn, grow and do whatever it takes to make a difference. 
• Follow through instead of fashionable excuses: Execution is hard. Too many people become very good at coming up with fashionable excuses on why could not execute, as opposed to executing. But, even the best excuses won’t count. What truly matters is excellence in execution. I am not suggesting that everything one tries will succeed, but one should try everything to make the best effort to succeed. 
• Open, trusting and paying it forward: An exceptional mentee is very open to feedback, trust me as their mentor to always keep their growth in mind, and more importantly, has the attitude to pay it forward. 
• Treats mentoring as a catalyst, not as a crutch: I believe that an exceptional mentee will flourish with or without me. They treat mentoring as a catalyst, amplifier and enricher rather than as a crutch. For example, Soundarya never approached me for help to ‘escape’ from work. She was looking for perspective shifts, insights and connections that would make her work better.
• Committed to holistic growth: Everyone’s life is multi-dimensional. Extreme focus on one dimension can at best make a person a one-role wonder. The lack of meaningful growth in other dimensions that were ignored will hurt the person sooner than later. An exceptional mentee needs to be committed to holistic growth in a balanced way. 

I’ll repeat: mentorship is a two-way street. Even the most exceptional mentor cannot make a meaningful difference if the mentee is not willing and ready to grow. What made Soundarya stand out was that she was more than ready. 

On July 22nd, she will be hosting a 250-member launch event for her second book, Unshackled, in Sunnyvale CA. Speakers include Lakshmi Pratury (Founder of INK Talks), Doug Rand (Former Obama White House expert), and Chuck Garcia (Bestselling author and professor at Columbia University). It’s a pure joy for me to watch her grow by being a cheerleader on the side (without the looks, frocks or dancing skills, of course.) 

Only Soundarya can say what she got out of this mentoring relationship, but I can say with certainty that not only did I find a mentee, but also a God-daughter in her.